I haven't had much to blog about lately. Just every day more of the same stuff. I've been a bit frustrated about things here and there. . .had a bout with the flu. We're moving, again. And I'm tired.
The moving thing will hopefully be the last time for a while. We're buying a place. It's just a manufactured home, but it's got more room than this house does and it will be ours. No "For Sale" sign in the front yard reminding us every time we go in and out that the ax could fall any minute, no being stuck with someone else's decisions on color and carpet. I'll be the first one to admit. My new place is ugly. The primary color scheme is Taupe. Not taupe .. and. Just taupe. Floor to ceiling. The carpet is brownish taupe. The kitchen is straight out hideous. 3 different counter top styles and colors. Leaves painted on the cupboards. The evidence that mice have once occupied the space (blech). But at least I can change all of that. I'm really REALLY struggling with this move I guess. I don't mean to sound ungrateful . . . but I'm just not thrilled at all. I've been trying to talk myself into the place since we first laid eyes on it. I'll probably still be trying when we pay the damn thing off. I just can't work up a greater emotion than "oh" about the whole thing. John and the kids are happy. I'll content myself with that I guess. It's not easy for me to tie myself to one physical location. I hate knowing that this is the same place I'll wake up to, 5 years from now. How does anyone get excited about that? Same walls, same windows, same scenery. I'm tired of moving . . . but it's part of who I am. I move. My life changes and I change with it. This new phase of life seems so stagnant to me, but I'll adjust.
I've had the flu. In fact, I've got a low grade fever again today. Hooray for me. John's got it right now too. Makes for a rough move when every time you breathe, you cough. Oh well.
And I'm just frustrated all over. I'm guessing the illness is what is driving these negative emotions. It's hard to be happy about life, when sickness IS life.
Time to pack some more stuff. Heaven knows we're on our own with this. I need to hop to it.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
School has started
Finally. . .I'm back in classes. I'm glad for it but my less than stellar performance this summer has made me a bit gun shy I think. I find I'm VERY impatient with technological problems with classes. . . which was a big source of irritation during one of my online classes during the summer. I need to just chill a little I think.
It's going to be an interesting year I think. John is working, taking care of clients for our business when needed, and trying to take care of his school work. He's been pushing off his English essay classes, can't say that I blame him, so I think I need to start nudging him a bit. He occasionally needs a little redirection when he's avoiding something he doesn't feel confident about. I know that feeling ALL too well, LOL.
Miss 'C' is finding that college isn't the spoon fed fun and games type of educational experience high school was and is stressing (thank goodness she decided to live at home. If she was trying to manage this AND work enough to cover the expense of living in the dorms, the poor girl would have a stroke). But she's still plugging along. The girl has grit, I'll give her that.
Miss 'M' is. . .herself. Which means she tends to get worked up over little things and blow off big things. She has her ACT is scheduled and she's still trying to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up--that includes college choices. Yes. . . that makes her stress out, which stresses out Mama.
My handsome Mr. 'G' is . . .simply amazing. He is my baby, but has informed me of late that he is NOT a baby. . .he is a big boy. Evidently positive peer pressure from daycare is hitting him and it is now uncool to act like a baby to get his way. He's also writing lots of letters, uppercase. . he struggles with lower case still) and is learning the sounds associated with each letter. He's so amazingly, scarily, smart. He gets technology like he was born using cell phones and computers. He is definitely his daddy's boy. He wants to read so badly. It won't be long. He's right in line with his sisters in age and ability where that is concerned. How funny it seems to me, that he is so much like his sisters, in so many ways. It amazes me how I see so much of John, or myself, or the girls in not only his behavior but how he thinks and what appear to be his gifts and talents. What a miracle adoption is. What a miracle 'G' is.
He told me recently that we need to go get his sister. I asked him which one, it wasn't time to pick up Miss 'M', and Miss 'C' has her own car. He, in a very exasperated tone, told me NO, not his BIG sissies. . . . his BABY sister. Umm. . ok. We've had this conversation many times in the last year. He's getting more adamant with each discussion. I don't know how to tell him that we have to wait. It's not like I have the slightest clue if and when a baby sister will come. After all, Miss 'M' would often get irritated with us about her baby brother. . .and look how long it took him to get here, LOL. If Heaven is sending us messages to us through our littlest angel, I'm on board. . .but the boy needs a time line! He doesn't understand "not yet" especially when I can't explain WHY we have to wait. He wants her here NOW! So . . . I have resorted to praying for my son's baby sister, wherever she may be. Its a complicated thing, but the Lord knows our situation, and our hearts. When the time is right. . .if it is right. . .my son will meet his baby sister and we will know what he was fussing about for so long. I hope it's soon--he's wearing me out about this!
It's going to be an interesting year I think. John is working, taking care of clients for our business when needed, and trying to take care of his school work. He's been pushing off his English essay classes, can't say that I blame him, so I think I need to start nudging him a bit. He occasionally needs a little redirection when he's avoiding something he doesn't feel confident about. I know that feeling ALL too well, LOL.
Miss 'C' is finding that college isn't the spoon fed fun and games type of educational experience high school was and is stressing (thank goodness she decided to live at home. If she was trying to manage this AND work enough to cover the expense of living in the dorms, the poor girl would have a stroke). But she's still plugging along. The girl has grit, I'll give her that.
Miss 'M' is. . .herself. Which means she tends to get worked up over little things and blow off big things. She has her ACT is scheduled and she's still trying to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up--that includes college choices. Yes. . . that makes her stress out, which stresses out Mama.
My handsome Mr. 'G' is . . .simply amazing. He is my baby, but has informed me of late that he is NOT a baby. . .he is a big boy. Evidently positive peer pressure from daycare is hitting him and it is now uncool to act like a baby to get his way. He's also writing lots of letters, uppercase. . he struggles with lower case still) and is learning the sounds associated with each letter. He's so amazingly, scarily, smart. He gets technology like he was born using cell phones and computers. He is definitely his daddy's boy. He wants to read so badly. It won't be long. He's right in line with his sisters in age and ability where that is concerned. How funny it seems to me, that he is so much like his sisters, in so many ways. It amazes me how I see so much of John, or myself, or the girls in not only his behavior but how he thinks and what appear to be his gifts and talents. What a miracle adoption is. What a miracle 'G' is.
He told me recently that we need to go get his sister. I asked him which one, it wasn't time to pick up Miss 'M', and Miss 'C' has her own car. He, in a very exasperated tone, told me NO, not his BIG sissies. . . . his BABY sister. Umm. . ok. We've had this conversation many times in the last year. He's getting more adamant with each discussion. I don't know how to tell him that we have to wait. It's not like I have the slightest clue if and when a baby sister will come. After all, Miss 'M' would often get irritated with us about her baby brother. . .and look how long it took him to get here, LOL. If Heaven is sending us messages to us through our littlest angel, I'm on board. . .but the boy needs a time line! He doesn't understand "not yet" especially when I can't explain WHY we have to wait. He wants her here NOW! So . . . I have resorted to praying for my son's baby sister, wherever she may be. Its a complicated thing, but the Lord knows our situation, and our hearts. When the time is right. . .if it is right. . .my son will meet his baby sister and we will know what he was fussing about for so long. I hope it's soon--he's wearing me out about this!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Stress. . . self imposed and six months in advance
I must be the only human on the planet to do this to themselves. I am freaking out about something that is 6 months away. . and it has nothing to do with procreation.
I went through my freshman year on cruise control mentally. I assumed I would do the same this year. But I bombed my summer term (life happened) and I am trying to figure out where to stick everything to recover it. On top of that, I decided to get on the website of the university I plan to transfer to and look over the social work department. BAD idea.
In my naivete (or what I fondly refer to as my stupidity) I had no idea that I would have to apply to the School of Social Work. Not only that, that I would require references and a resume. Umm. . .my resume hasn't been able to get me a JOB . . . .how could it possibly be worth a damn when it comes to my educational future. As for references. . . uh. . . . I don't know that many people! Much less people who could vouch for my ability to be a social worker! (Besides the social workers of my former kids). And there are questions about my maturity!!! I'm doomed. Oh and of course there are two essays that need to be written and a whole packet of paperwork proving that I am academically appropriate for the program, and I need to earn grades good enough to overshadow the whole summer term thing and make me competative (meaning B or better).
And it's all due the first Friday in March. Yes, March. I am spazzing over something that is not due for six months. But. . . .oh I don't know. It's just very stressful to me. I'm still just getting used to the idea that I can achieve good grades at my school. . .putting that ability to the test by comparing me to other students from other schools kind of makes me a little ill. I guess my self esteem needs a bit more work, LOL.
I still have 3 weeks before fall term starts!! I keep mumbling to myself "one thing at a time". Umm. . yeah. LOL.
I went through my freshman year on cruise control mentally. I assumed I would do the same this year. But I bombed my summer term (life happened) and I am trying to figure out where to stick everything to recover it. On top of that, I decided to get on the website of the university I plan to transfer to and look over the social work department. BAD idea.
In my naivete (or what I fondly refer to as my stupidity) I had no idea that I would have to apply to the School of Social Work. Not only that, that I would require references and a resume. Umm. . .my resume hasn't been able to get me a JOB . . . .how could it possibly be worth a damn when it comes to my educational future. As for references. . . uh. . . . I don't know that many people! Much less people who could vouch for my ability to be a social worker! (Besides the social workers of my former kids). And there are questions about my maturity!!! I'm doomed. Oh and of course there are two essays that need to be written and a whole packet of paperwork proving that I am academically appropriate for the program, and I need to earn grades good enough to overshadow the whole summer term thing and make me competative (meaning B or better).
And it's all due the first Friday in March. Yes, March. I am spazzing over something that is not due for six months. But. . . .oh I don't know. It's just very stressful to me. I'm still just getting used to the idea that I can achieve good grades at my school. . .putting that ability to the test by comparing me to other students from other schools kind of makes me a little ill. I guess my self esteem needs a bit more work, LOL.
I still have 3 weeks before fall term starts!! I keep mumbling to myself "one thing at a time". Umm. . yeah. LOL.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
A time of endings. . and of beginnings
Summer is ending. . .more or less. It still feels like an oven outside, but time moves ever onward bringing us to the end of the lazy days we love.
M's senior year is now upon us. Part of me. . .a very tiny part. . .is a bit sad about it. The rest of me is thrilled for her. She's a big fishie in a little pond this year. . . and I think she'll enjoy it. What an adventure! How lucky am I, to be her mother? I'm so grateful to have been graced with her as my daughter.
C's freshman year of college is just around the corner as well. I tend to feel like I'm waiting for something, or I'm waiting for her while she's waiting for something. It makes me a little tense and anxious. . . but I feel confident all will be resolved--and soon. It's probably just facing a new stage of life. She's so excited to start school and get on with the rest of her life. What sadness I might have felt about her graduating and growing up has been replaced with joy as I watch her become the woman she was meant to be. I don't know how I was so blessed to be entrusted with this child.
G is just a handful, but is growing so much every day. He's thrilled with coloring and I'm sure with a little focus on my part, he'll be reading sometime this school year. I need to find him just the right daycare/pre-school to attend while I'm in classes, so that is always stressful, but I feel fine about it. I know I'll find something that is right for us, and especially him.
After completely bombing my summer term. . .I'm ready to head back to classes this fall. I don't think I managed well with the disorganization of summertime. Eh. . . . it was only 3 classes which are easily re-done if I choose to re-do two of them.
Hubby is doing well in his studies. . .though he's been captain procrastination with his english classes. Can't say that I blame him. . . . term papers suck. I'm so excited for him to be doing this, and for what it will bring for our future when he graduates.
I love September. . .it is my spring. It is a time of renewal and beginnings. I get a little giddy when I start seeing plaid pleated skirts in the little girl's clothing section and packs of loose leaf notebook paper on sale. It brings me hope for what is to come and an end to what has come and gone. Here's to things getting even better!
M's senior year is now upon us. Part of me. . .a very tiny part. . .is a bit sad about it. The rest of me is thrilled for her. She's a big fishie in a little pond this year. . . and I think she'll enjoy it. What an adventure! How lucky am I, to be her mother? I'm so grateful to have been graced with her as my daughter.
C's freshman year of college is just around the corner as well. I tend to feel like I'm waiting for something, or I'm waiting for her while she's waiting for something. It makes me a little tense and anxious. . . but I feel confident all will be resolved--and soon. It's probably just facing a new stage of life. She's so excited to start school and get on with the rest of her life. What sadness I might have felt about her graduating and growing up has been replaced with joy as I watch her become the woman she was meant to be. I don't know how I was so blessed to be entrusted with this child.
G is just a handful, but is growing so much every day. He's thrilled with coloring and I'm sure with a little focus on my part, he'll be reading sometime this school year. I need to find him just the right daycare/pre-school to attend while I'm in classes, so that is always stressful, but I feel fine about it. I know I'll find something that is right for us, and especially him.
After completely bombing my summer term. . .I'm ready to head back to classes this fall. I don't think I managed well with the disorganization of summertime. Eh. . . . it was only 3 classes which are easily re-done if I choose to re-do two of them.
Hubby is doing well in his studies. . .though he's been captain procrastination with his english classes. Can't say that I blame him. . . . term papers suck. I'm so excited for him to be doing this, and for what it will bring for our future when he graduates.
I love September. . .it is my spring. It is a time of renewal and beginnings. I get a little giddy when I start seeing plaid pleated skirts in the little girl's clothing section and packs of loose leaf notebook paper on sale. It brings me hope for what is to come and an end to what has come and gone. Here's to things getting even better!
Friday, July 31, 2009
20 Year Vent-union
Tonight marks the opening ceremonies of the craptastic experience called 20 year high school reunion.
I am not going.
I really disliked 99% of the people who will be attending when I was forced to endure their company year after year. . .there's no way I would willingly subject myself to their drunken stupidity NOW. Yeah, drunken. It seems that the majority of the time will be about getting lit. Brilliant. . .assholes on alcohol. . .absolute genius.
To make matters more fantastic. . .the "organizers" of this event are the pushiest, rudest, most obnoxious people! People who had nary a kind word, but plenty of blistering hateful ones, when we were in school. . . .pretending to give a shit that I exist now. Why? Oh. .so they can collect the money for the event. HA!!
So I lied. Why did I lie? I don't know. I told them I was road tripping this weekend to celebrate 'M' and her birthday (today). Somehow coming out and telling them that I had no desire to see any of them at any time, and to sit there watching them get sloshed was NOT my idea of a good time. . .seemed mean. They are all so pathetically thrilled about "seeing everybody" again. I guess they didn't get the memo that life was about moving on and living. Freaks.
And so. . I'll likely be hanging out a lot at home this weekend. . .or maybe not. Maybe running into someone when I'm obviously NOT road tripping might be fun. Especially if I got to tell them that I had better things to do. . like watching my grass grow.
Vent over. . .ah I feel much better.
I am not going.
I really disliked 99% of the people who will be attending when I was forced to endure their company year after year. . .there's no way I would willingly subject myself to their drunken stupidity NOW. Yeah, drunken. It seems that the majority of the time will be about getting lit. Brilliant. . .assholes on alcohol. . .absolute genius.
To make matters more fantastic. . .the "organizers" of this event are the pushiest, rudest, most obnoxious people! People who had nary a kind word, but plenty of blistering hateful ones, when we were in school. . . .pretending to give a shit that I exist now. Why? Oh. .so they can collect the money for the event. HA!!
So I lied. Why did I lie? I don't know. I told them I was road tripping this weekend to celebrate 'M' and her birthday (today). Somehow coming out and telling them that I had no desire to see any of them at any time, and to sit there watching them get sloshed was NOT my idea of a good time. . .seemed mean. They are all so pathetically thrilled about "seeing everybody" again. I guess they didn't get the memo that life was about moving on and living. Freaks.
And so. . I'll likely be hanging out a lot at home this weekend. . .or maybe not. Maybe running into someone when I'm obviously NOT road tripping might be fun. Especially if I got to tell them that I had better things to do. . like watching my grass grow.
Vent over. . .ah I feel much better.
Friday, July 10, 2009
BEST.DAY.EVER. . a day late :)
I have little to say. . .except . . . we finalized our adoption of our sweet little guy yesterday!!! Still doing the happy dance and my heart sings every time I think about how far we've come. He is such a joy. . . my family is so blessed!!
My brain can't really even focus on much except how awesome life is right now. WOOHOO!!
My brain can't really even focus on much except how awesome life is right now. WOOHOO!!
Friday, June 12, 2009
So busy . . . but I'm happy
I just realized it's been forever since I've posted anything.
Since I can't really remember everything, I'll just post the significant stuff.
Miss 'C' graduated on May 22nd. Part of me is still kind of in denial, like it didn't really happen, even though I was there, and I saw it, LOL. It's good though. She's still my little girl in a lot of ways.
She's officially registered at her chosen college, class schedule arranged, dorm room assigned, roommate assigned (this will be funny). It's all I hear about. . .daily. She's excited, who can blame her (even if she is making me buggy). One of her best friends will be attending too. . . I am glad about that. They can anchor each other in what is right.
Miss 'M' is looking forward to her senior year. Her young man has gotten very ambitious lately and has been asking her out to dates nearly every weekend. It's sweet to see someone showering attention on her. There has even been hints at the "marriage" concept, though veiled in humor. I think this boy has fallen hard. . .and by the way she blushes when we tease her about it . . . she's in pretty deep too. We shall see where this goes, and what time brings them.
We got our official adoption day set. . . WOO HOO! Next month. Finally, after so much time he'll legally be ours and we can relax.
I finished the spring term at school. . .last final exam was yesterday. I'm waiting on my English grade before I know if I hit the honor roll or not. So far. . all A's except the C in math. Luckily, the math class is not college level/credit earning (because I totally sucked at math in H.S. TWENTY years ago) so it won't count against me for my Honor Roll status.
We are house hunting. . .again. The landlords, like everyone, have been effected by the economy and find themselves in a situation of needing to sell the house. Unfortunately we are not in a situation to be able to buy it. . . and so we move again. Oh well.
I would like to stay in our current ward, or at the very least avoid 3rd and 4th wards (old ward, and my parents' ward). We'll see. We're just gliding on faith that the right place for us will open up and be available when we come across it. Well, we're trying to. LOL
John is doing well in his courses. He has aced almost every test he's taken so far. I see him getting his degree much quicker than anticipated. . .and so does his mentor. This will be a good thing for us, and will open up a whole new world of possibilities for him where employment is concerned.
He has also started back to work full time . . . . just a week or so ago. Here's to hoping the new parts they are doing work, so that the business will stay afloat and he will be able to stay working.
And so that's us.
Since I can't really remember everything, I'll just post the significant stuff.
Miss 'C' graduated on May 22nd. Part of me is still kind of in denial, like it didn't really happen, even though I was there, and I saw it, LOL. It's good though. She's still my little girl in a lot of ways.
She's officially registered at her chosen college, class schedule arranged, dorm room assigned, roommate assigned (this will be funny). It's all I hear about. . .daily. She's excited, who can blame her (even if she is making me buggy). One of her best friends will be attending too. . . I am glad about that. They can anchor each other in what is right.
Miss 'M' is looking forward to her senior year. Her young man has gotten very ambitious lately and has been asking her out to dates nearly every weekend. It's sweet to see someone showering attention on her. There has even been hints at the "marriage" concept, though veiled in humor. I think this boy has fallen hard. . .and by the way she blushes when we tease her about it . . . she's in pretty deep too. We shall see where this goes, and what time brings them.
We got our official adoption day set. . . WOO HOO! Next month. Finally, after so much time he'll legally be ours and we can relax.
I finished the spring term at school. . .last final exam was yesterday. I'm waiting on my English grade before I know if I hit the honor roll or not. So far. . all A's except the C in math. Luckily, the math class is not college level/credit earning (because I totally sucked at math in H.S. TWENTY years ago) so it won't count against me for my Honor Roll status.
We are house hunting. . .again. The landlords, like everyone, have been effected by the economy and find themselves in a situation of needing to sell the house. Unfortunately we are not in a situation to be able to buy it. . . and so we move again. Oh well.
I would like to stay in our current ward, or at the very least avoid 3rd and 4th wards (old ward, and my parents' ward). We'll see. We're just gliding on faith that the right place for us will open up and be available when we come across it. Well, we're trying to. LOL
John is doing well in his courses. He has aced almost every test he's taken so far. I see him getting his degree much quicker than anticipated. . .and so does his mentor. This will be a good thing for us, and will open up a whole new world of possibilities for him where employment is concerned.
He has also started back to work full time . . . . just a week or so ago. Here's to hoping the new parts they are doing work, so that the business will stay afloat and he will be able to stay working.
And so that's us.
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